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1. Tummy bug (me)

2. Ear infection (both ears, the kid)

3. Bumped head after tripping on Nanna’s foot (the kid)

4. Bumped head in exactly the same spot after tripping on own foot (the kid)

5. Period pain (me)

6. Ear ache (me)

7. Not allowed to consume large G & T due to tummy medicine (me)

Just as well we were allowed to play at Arthur’s to cheer up.

Stomper wants me to demonstrate for the assembled masses (all three of you, and one of you is my partner and already knows this stuff) that I am much much weirder than I may seem while talking about my garden.

1. I am incredibly easy to distract. I am also very good at procrastination. Our house is full of my half finished projects. Strangely, this is not a problem at work. I am very focussed most of the time when I am at work, I write project plans, I have lists and I get through them. At work I am Ms On Time and Under Budget. I don’t know why I can’t replicate that at home.

2. I find it very difficult to leave the house in the morning without a coffee. I bought the Bloke a coffee machine for his birthday a few years ago and I’ve used it (or he’s used it on my behalf) every day since. Usually twice a day. Sometimes three times, but only if I’m prepared to get into trouble when I can’t sleep later on. Every now and then we run out of coffee, so I have to start the day by going to a cafe for a shot before I get it together to go and buy a bag of beans. Fortunately this addiction is industry-wide in the arts, so it’s never been a problem at work.

3. I don’t care how fashionable three quarter length pants are or have been, I’m never wearing them. They always make me feel like a gangly teenager who can’t find clothes that fit. This is presumably because once upon a time I was a gangly teen who couldn’t find any pants that went all the way to the ankle. I took up wearing skirts around that time.

4. I would pretty much sell my poor departed Grandma for a pair of handmade good quality shoes that fitted me. Furthermore, she would understand because she and my aunt went halves on a pair of shiny red shoes for me when I was six, and thus set me up for this lifetime of shoe lust. If I had average sized feet (and it was therefore cheaper and easier to find fitting shoes) I would probably have many many pairs of shoes.

5. It’s been a couple of years since I read novels on a regular basis. I have started many of them, most of them gifts, but have not finished them. I used to read novels and enjoy them. Now I tend to get annoyed or bored or frustrated with them. I’m not sure whether I’m reading the ‘wrong’ books, or whether it’s just not a fiction-reading time in my life, but I get frustrated with anything serious that doesn’t feel real enough. I get annoyed at inadequate historical research, I don’t want to read anything that includes a character with cancer, and I don’t find it relaxing to read about a couple’s relationship disintegrating. I would probably break this novel reading drought if Terry Pratchett released a new book, but am unlikely to invest my hard earned cash in any prize winning examples of literature any time soon. I do read non-fiction most days. Particularly anything about Australian social history, or gardening. A social history of Australian gardeners would be an ideal birthday gift if anyone is wondering. I have no idea if such a thing has been written but I’d give it a bash if anyone wants to fund it.

6. I really like watching Gordon Ramsey telling restaurants how to smarten up their act. I like the UK version of the show, but I can’t stand the American version (the voice over is repetitive and the whole thing is badly edited). I don’t think of myself as a Person Who Watches A Lot of Television, because I am an overeducated owner of many books and we didn’t always have a telly at home growing up. In fact our telly is on pretty much every night and we stay up later than we should watching rubbish.

7. It isn’t really about me, but the Bloke came into the bedroom (where I was reading non-fiction and eating crepes) the other night to tell me that he’d just seen a spectacular example of Australian Telly Stupidity. A contestant on Dancing Idol (or whatever it is) was instructed to sign a message to her deaf sister in the audience. The hostess held the microphone up to her while she did it, so it was in the way. I like having a partner who thought that was funny (and disturbing and insensitive of disability) enough to share. Urgently.

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